By Samuel Bovitz This is not your typical NBA Preview. I’ll make that clear from the start. I chose to describe each NBA team as a cereal for two reasons: one, I think it’d be interesting to see NBA teams in a fresh perspective and two, I’m hungry. The Atlanta Hawks are Peanut Butter Toast…
Category: Satire
The Passing of Cassius Clay the Crab & the Crab Sanctuary in Room 527
By Adrian Flynn The Beacon community was rattled in April by the unfortunate and untimely passing of Cassius Clay the crab. The female blue crab, named after the prolific boxer Muhammad Ali, somehow made it out of her tank and into a sink in Mr. McKenna’s classroom. By the time she was discovered, she had…
Love, Lust, and Lies: Uncovering The Donald’s Steamy Affair with Vladimir Putin
By Maxine Slater The first thing she noticed was the empty bed — the sheets undone and an imprint of his body looming before her. It was rotund and reminiscent, mocking her. His dressers were open and empty, the nightstand to her right devoid of any marker of his existence. Miscellaneous ties and dress shoes…
