By Samuel Bovitz This season is (hopefully) getting closer and closer. This article is going to continue to break down the 2020 MLB season from the perspective of our furry friends– this mascots. This is part 2–the National League. Arizona Diamondbacks: Baxter the Bobcat is feeling a bit better. The Diamondbacks have gone through a…
Category: Satire
A 2020 MLB Season Preview, as told by mascots – Part 1
By Samuel Bovitz Major League Baseball games are a lot of fun, and one of the most fun aspects of gameday experience are the mascots. They are everywhere, but they are especially prevalent in MLB, where 28 out of the league’s 30 teams have mascots. In this MLB Season Preview, we will check in on…
A Cerealized 2019-20 NBA Season Preview
By Samuel Bovitz This is not your typical NBA Preview. I’ll make that clear from the start. I chose to describe each NBA team as a cereal for two reasons: one, I think it’d be interesting to see NBA teams in a fresh perspective and two, I’m hungry. The Atlanta Hawks are Peanut Butter Toast…
The Passing of Cassius Clay the Crab & the Crab Sanctuary in Room 527
By Adrian Flynn Photos by Adrian Flynn The Beacon community was rattled in April by the unfortunate and untimely passing of Cassius Clay the crab. The female blue crab, named after the prolific boxer Muhammad Ali, somehow made it out of her tank and into a sink in Mr. McKenna’s classroom. By the time she…
Love, Lust, and Lies: Uncovering The Donald’s Steamy Affair with Vladimir Putin
By Maxine Slater The first thing she noticed was the empty bed — the sheets undone and an imprint of his body looming before her. It was rotund and reminiscent, mocking her. His dressers were open and empty, the nightstand to her right devoid of any marker of his existence. Miscellaneous ties and dress shoes…
